The other night, I was driving by the ocean and looking out my window at the moon illuminating the indigo water (while of course simultaneously keeping my eyes on the road :P), and I thought about the things in my life, grand and small, that need to change. And then, a thought crossed my mind…
It's not the change that is necessarily the hard part, but rather, the transition.
One of the biggest transitions of my life came almost two years ago, in the spring of two thousand and ten when my family and I packed up and moved seven hours away from our small town in Northern California all the way down to Southern California. It's strange, but when I moved, I didn't cry, and I didn't even feel sad. I kind of just blinked my eyes a few times, packed my room into boxes, gave away old clothes, and then life seemingly went blurry for a bit and I woke up in a new house, in a new place.
I think I was simply in shock, and it didn't really hit me that we had moved until three months later. We went back to visit for the first time on an overwhelmingly beautiful June day. The air was warm in a friendly way, like an old friend welcoming you back after many months of absence, and as we flung open the doors of our fifteen passenger van when we arrived at our old house, I was overcome by the heavy perfume of sweet flowers. The next morning, I walked to my old house, all by myself, and I sat in my favorite spot in the backyard. I looked up at the thick trees and the clear, cloudless sky, and I cried in a deep way, a way that resounds in the parts of your soul that become dusty and begin to creak when not in use for a while. I remember thinking, over and over,
This is my home. This is my home.
Moving was a huge transition for me, and not one that came easily. The hardest part was finding friends. It took me a full year until I met some wonderful people here with whom I really connected. I'd like to say the year flew by like a happy collection of snapshots, played on a projector screen to some upbeat music, but that would be a lie. The year was challenging, hard, uncomfortable; I felt restless, and very lonely. I ached for the friendships I'd cultivated for many years in my hometown. Looking back, I can see God's hand, giving me a soft spot to land on the hardest and longest of nights. And through that transition, just as with any transition, He carried me through lovingly, allowing me to stretch a bit, and then to grow in new ways.
There are a lot of things in life that happen to us, and at first they are wonderful, and we hope naively that they will last forever. We squeeze our eyes shut and tap our heels together, hoping that if we hold the moments firmly inside of our fists, they will never leave us. The reality is, if we hold to these moments past their due dates, they will become frayed, jaded and broken; however, if we allow them to pass and become memories, they stay in top condition- shimmering like glassy gems, and smiling at us with a newborn hope at each glance back in their direction. Life keeps moving, quickly and sometimes in a rough and alarming way. It is not a photograph, although our brightest memories can be some of our favorite pictures on our memory's drawing board. Transitions allow us a bridge between shores, so we don't get too tired from trying to swim.
Transitions will subtly work their ways into our everyday routines, and we can ignore them until they become horrid and jagged, or we can embrace them as rulers to measure new lines on a clean, white sheet of paper. In my life, I can feel transition's hum creeping in, growing louder and louder. I can look at a lot of things, within my character, within my friendships, and within my surroundings, and I can see the need for change. If I listen very carefully for God's voice, I can hear Him quietly guiding me to a place of peace through a thrashing sea of changes. In this new year, one of the best lessons I am learning is to embrace transitions, which lead to changes. Both encompass some of the hardest and best parts of life, and provide essential foundations for enormous growth in character in integrity.
I hope you will see the transitions in your life from now on as good friends, cheering you on and helping you find light through the sometimes dark tunnel of change. :)
LisaLikesChocChipCookies This is such good writing Katherine ! I bet you would have written a poem about this. This helped see the light ! Thank you XOXO ;)
elci not only can you sing, you're really deep and inspiring, and you seem so knowledgeable and wise, even though you're young and beautiful <3 love you katherine - thanks for being such a role model and sweet inspiration :)
CimorelliLover1236 omg kathrine! that ws so sad! i'm glad i read this because im moving in 2 weeks and i dont know i'm going to handle it but reading this helps me and makes me happy! i love you katherine!! :) <3
AlaynaCim This spoke to my heart! I remember when I moved out of my old house into a completely different one. I had a horse at my old house and I even named it. When we moved I had to leave her behind. It was heartbreaking and I didn't know if I could stand the thought of losing her. Now, once I read your blog I remembered everything about her. As I type this, I have a longing feeling to see my horse. I am trying to hold back the tears but I now know that after all these years I have changed. Thank you, Katherine for opening my eyes and showing me my new life ahead of me. With lots of Love, Alayna (You are an inspiration to me)
ellielovescimorelli This is beautiful. Thank you for posting this Katherine, as it has truly helped me as I am sure it has done for all your fans.