It's funny how we are all like ceramic mugs, colorful and shining and full of hope, hoping that something warm will fill us up.
Most of the time we can rely on our relationships with those we love deeply to fill up our hearts with the love that we need. We can turn to them like thirsty wild-flowers, hoping not to wilt, and ask for a refreshing sprinkle of attention and affection. We can receive it from our loving pets when we arrive home- sometimes an eager young pup or a purring cat on a lonely lap is all we need to feel loved. We can read comments on our Facebooks from our faraway aunts and uncles and cousins, soaking up technologically the beautiful warmth that only comes from love.
But sometimes, especially on cold, autumn nights when the outside air smells like cut firewood, and the inside of your heart feels cavernous and empty, you turn to your usual source of love, and no one is there. At first, the only emotion is shock: loud and bright white, and all-encompassing. And then the emptiness begins to swallow you, rapidly and hungrily.
I am alone.
Sometimes, the only person there to love you is yourself. Of course, God is always there with His love and amazing beauty, but I think sometimes He likes us to find our own ways, like a mother hesitatingly holds back while her baby takes his first steps, from coffee table to couch. Alas, sometimes we are left entirely alone, to find our ways through life, and more importantly, to find our ways to love.
Self-love, I have found, is one of the most elusive, yet precious, kinds of love. It takes courage, honesty, and a ginormous amount of forgiveness to love yourself. When you are left alone, whether it be on a Friday night when everyone else seems to be quite occupied and quite content without your presence, or lying in your bed, trying to sleep, there is nothing to convince you of your self-worth besides your thoughts, actions, and ideals, all coming together to form a kind of mosaic.
I have also found that criticism and negativity are unwelcome house-guests at these times of being alone. Self-pity is a cold pool that we sometimes love to swim in, to cool off from the heat of high expectations. These voices in our heads start out quietly, and then become viscous and relentless, accusing and argumentative.
"What have you accomplished? Where are your friends? How could anybody love you? Look at the person you are, so weak and flimsy. Pathetic."
It's sad that these harsh and overcritical accusers sound so truthful, when in reality they are the largest of liars. I know that quite often, one's worst enemy is himself, or truly, the negative voices in our heads of fear and hatred that are really quite different from our true selves, which are often so tender and forgiving, and too kind and gentle to shout out over the lies of negativity. I would like to invite you to examine the difference between the truth of who you are, and the lies that you hear sometimes when you are alone.
I would like you to know that whoever you are, reading this, you have an infinite and precious value that cannot be touched or tainted by this world. I would like you to know that you are so filled with truth and beauty in each crevice and corner of your being, that if you saw yourself as the Creator does, you would weep with joy, and you would regret each hateful thing you have ever thought about yourself. I would like you to know that you are worthy of love from others, and most of all, you are worthy of your own love.
Please take these moments of aloneness and silence, and repeat this truth to yourself:
I am lovable, and I am good.
Please take these moments, as they come up in the future, and take the time to love yourself- mind, body and soul- as you would love your best and most loyal friend. Remember that fear is a liar. And remember that you cannot truly love others if you do not love yourself. Write a list of all the reasons you are worthy of love, and if you think of anything you have done in the past that causes shame and guilt, let your future actions prove that the past offense was completely out of character for you. If we choose to live with integrity, it is so much easier to love ourselves.
Tonight was one of those moments of reflection for me, and I wanted to share my mindset with you. I hope it helped!
(Soundtrack to the above thought process: Resolve. by Sleeping At Last)
KJ444 and life is like a box a choc- co-lates i love your mindset on life. =
drako104 wow......wow, wow, wow, wow.......My first comment: Idk HOW you do or WHERE you find them, those metaphors and personifications which truly emphasize the emotions and thoughts going through one's head during these important moments....Simply spectacular. I love oxymorons and I use them often, but I have always wanted to learn to do what you do with your aliterations. You give words wings to fly off LCDs intot he hearts of your readers, pricking them with truth as cold and harsh as the tundra.....yet beautiful to recognise as the Arctic foxes therein. It's not as if it was extricately fashioned, neither hastily scraped together. The thought you put into this is apparent from "It's" to ")". Simple to read and understand, easily remembered, and wonderfully composed. You have a gift Kat. You honestly do. I thank God for the wondrous creation known as you. I try my best at times impress, but at times like this I relax in true bliss. I read your poems, your "Scribbles" as you say. They are wonderful way to get psyched for a day. Your messages clear, their truths resounding. I feel your pain love abounding, for those who hurt and ignore their worth: priceless precious clumps of earth. I could go on, I know I would, but this is a comment......and it's most likely already longer than it should.....oh well for now I'll say good bye. Just please.....don't stop......bringing tears of joy to my eyes :').
chinLOVEScim Your words soothes into my veins. Thank you for the lessons. My God! How did you do this? Thank you for sharing us your wonderful and amazing God-given talent! Give him back the glory and honor! keep touching someone else's mind and hearts like how you touched mind. As you see, I've said these words but honestly I'm SPEECHLESS! GOD bless you at all times! This is @TRIVIA4TWEET :)
chinLOVEScim Oh geeez, can't move-on. so blissful! You never fail to impress me.
Nele844 Your words described exactly how I feel when I'm alone. Thank you for everything Katherine even if I never met you ;)
thekizz36 wow, this text really touched my heart. what you've written is so true. but sometimes it's hard to believe. I like the part where you talk about God like a mother who stays away sometimes. it seems like an eyeopener to me. I'm going to think about this piece of text when I am laying in bed tonight. thanks for sharing this...:)
elci wow, you're beautiful and amazing, i love you and your sisters, love always